Recruiters: The #1 Thing Holding You Back From Your Success

Recruiters: The #1 Thing Holding You Back From Your Success Yesterday posted an article in the Headhunter and Executive Recruiter Community on Facebook …


Recruiters: The #1 Thing Holding You Back From Your Success

Recruiters: The #1 Thing Holding You Back From Your Success

Yesterday posted an article in the Headhunter and Executive Recruiter Community on Facebook, and it created a bit of a stir. In this article, I wrote about the biggest issue I see holding people back, and that's the stories they always fall back into. I've included the original post here below, and I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.


Are your stories holding you back?

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the last couple of years that I've been coaching, are that students who ask questions are the ones who do well.

They come to me with a problem, lay out the background story briefly, and ask their question. They know what they need, get it, implement, and come back for feedback.

When a student comes to me with a problem, and instead of asking a question they start down a long and convoluted story, it tells me they don't have a defined problem yet.

If you're looking to fix something in your business, define your problem, narrow down to the core question(s) that will help you solve your problem, and implement the answers you receive.

I've found that the people who can't define their problem fall into a common failure mindset: using the coaching session / interaction as a substitute for success.

It's a trick of the brain, and it's a very common behavior of those who are perennially in panic mode.

When you’re successful, you get a dopamine spike in your brain and that's what makes you feel good. It’s what addicts you to the feeling of success.

If you aren’t successful, a common substitute for success is the feeling of interaction….of telling people your problems. It releases the same dopamine triggers, and it fools you into thinking that you’re making progress when you really aren’t.

It’s the same reason why people will buy multiple weight loss programs, yet never lose the weight.

Do you need six different weight-loss programs to lose weight? No…weight-loss is relatively simple, but the act of buying the program triggers that same dopamine release, and makes you feel like you’ve achieved a small measure of success towards your goal when in reality you’re just spinning in circles.

When I try to help a recruiter through a problem, and instead of asking me a question they give me a convoluted 15-minute story, I ask them to cut out all extraneous details, and get right to the question.

Oftentimes, they don’t even have a defined question.

When working through their problem to get to a bonafide question, oftentimes the answer dawns on them before I need to help them at all.

The first step in getting yourself out of the hole that you’re in, is to start better defining your problem, and the questions you need answered to so you can start climbing out.

Otherwise, your brain is using the telling of your story as a replacement for results (from a dopamine standpoint), and you’ll be stuck in this constant feedback loop forever.

What you’ll find is that by cutting out all the bullshit stories, you may have the answer already inside of you, but you’re too stuck in your loop to figure it out for yourself.

…and a real coach should not be your ‘problem buddy.’. A coach should help you strip your issue down to its core essential components and work with you to solve them in as short and efficient a manner possible.

So no matter what your situation is, if you want to break that addictive dopamine feedback loop, your first step is to define (write out) your problem and the questions you need help with.

Sometimes you’ll find the answer inside you already, but you have to get 'unstuck' from your story first.

I had to do this a couple of years ago, when I let go of the story about my mother abandoning me as a young child, and stopped using it as an excuse for my failures in relationships.

I've had to learn to let go of several stories in the last few years, and there have been some people right here in the #HERC I've helped let go of theirs.

We all have stories that we use as safe spaces. As crutches...

They're seductive, but oftentimes you'll find your story is nothing more than a poisoned apple, keeping you from waking up to your real potential.

What stories do you need to let go of, so you can start moving forward?

...because until you figure that out for yourself, you’re just spinning your wheels playing the dopamine slot machine, always looking for the next person to tell your story to.

But they just care about their own stories...not yours.

Let that shit go...